I know personally that writing, or typing in this case, is therapeutic and helps greatly when frustrated. So I am giving a warning up front. The first portion of this entry will contain negative tones and the second portion will be more positive and upbeat. I will number them 1 and 2 so feel free to skip to number 2 if you so desire.
1. I have a general admission to make that I need prayer and support for. I have not publically spoken about this other than with close family and will not go into great detail but feel it my turn at the therapuetic typewriter in light of recent events. As those who read this may or may not know, I did have part ownership in a business that went under. Now the reason for the demise was due to several reasons. The industry we were in was extremely tough and had very little margin for profit to begin with. Never good. We also started out with a single focus and soon divided the focus into other areas which in retrospect I believe to be the greatest mistake of all. Not only did a business close but a long friendship was destroyed. This was due to a breech in trust in the financial area of the business. Since I was not in charge of the finances, the issues were not with me and as a result of pride and poor to little communication about the truth, a situation that could have been remedied by honesty and humility turned into a situation that has put my family in a very bad position. Messing with me is one thing, but when your foolishness effects my family you have crossed a line. The fact the taxes were not paid for ten months by the partner in charge of finance, the goverment is pushing me to pay for something that I was under the impression was taken care of. How do you not pay taxes and think that it won't bite you in the rear? While I don't know the outcome of what will happen with this I must admit that I have struggled with extreme anger and biterness toward the offender. This guy was the best Man in my wedding and now does not speak to me. Why? Pride I guess. I have requested to work it out but have been told to "go away". By the way, avoidence only means you will have to deal with it later so you might as well step up and do it now. Proverbs states that "Pride goeth before destuction and a haughty spirit before a fall."
God has had to remind me several times to forgive and I am asking God to help me with that. The hardest part about forgiving is that the problematic party is defiant of inocennce despite proof, and blames the situation on me. How bizzare. I have come to a point where I have realized that I must focus on my responsibility to God and maintaing a right testimony. I am looking to God for my direction and I want to have a clean heart, void of anger. That is my desire.
If you would like a moral to this it would be: Stay focused on your original goal; NEVER, EVER go into business with a friend or family member; if you have a problem say it face to face, (Text has no tone or visual expression leaving words open to interpretation of intent, usually determined by the filter of emotions, varied in range, the reader my have at the time of reading.); admit when you are wrong; and watch out for biterness, it wears cammoflauge.
2. Now for what really matters!
Isn't God good? I am overwhelmed by His grace, mercy and blessings on our life. As I watch my son grow a little every day I understand more my parents feeling toward me and I see all the potential he has. What does God have for Connor? What will he like to do? If I lock him in a box and never let him watch TV or surf the internet will I first, be thrown in jail, (most likely) and two, would it even help keep the evil from infiltrating his little brain. He is so innocent (except when he gives you that look after dropping the carrots he doesn't want on the floor for the dogs to eat) and I know all the filth in this world and I desperately want to protect him from that. The reality is that we have a huge responsibility to mold him through God's principles that he "may stand against the evil one" and "wear the FULL armor of God". WOW! What a job we have before us.
When he was born I did not have the reaction I thought I might. No tears of joy, even though I was happy, I did not get very emotional. I was in total awe and amazment, no doubt about that! But now when I look at him somethimes I start to get a little "misty" thinking about what kind of man he will become and thank God for such a wonderful gift. One that is hard to not hold onto too tightly. After all, he is only ours to intruct and love, he is God's to use for Glory.
As the saying goes in our family: "Every crow thinks his is the blackest."
So to close this entry, I will try to not make this blog a virtual wall of negative sticky notes, because after all, God has been too good to me to complain all the time.
Slim, out-
