I stare at the flashing cursor on my screen as I struggle for an Instant Message response to a friend in pain. I begin to see the cursor as a symbol of life. Flashing. Flashing. Flashing... Every time it blinks I imagine a soul taken into eternity. And as it blinks. Blinks. Blinks... I sit and wait. Wait. Wait... As if some flash of wisdom or enlightening thought might hit me. But it doesn't. So I type. Hoping to derive some bit of eternal perspective that might in an instant transform my outlook, spurning me to make some great statement or act in a manner that brings about unprecedented change.
Enlightenment Escapes me.
Reality confronts me.
God is Infinite.
I am finite.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Fear In Worship
I am not a eloquent writer or speaker and definitely not a good speller. I do however believe I can write better than I can speak. Therefore, I will attempt to write on something that has been on my mind for a long time and an issue God has been working to change in me lately.
Proverbs 29:25 says "The fear of man bringeth a snare, but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe".
I have struggled with the fear of man for a long time, but not in an area where one might expect. My fear of man is most present when I am in church, specifically in worship. Being raised in an environment where emotion in church outside of an AMEN for the pastor was thought of to be fabricated and a sign of being "penecostal" has left it's mark on me. I don't have animosity for being brought up to be reverent because reverence before a HOLY GOD is required. I praise God for my upbringing! I do believe that outward expression to God in worship whether in prayer, singing or other forms is not a sign of trumped up emotions or an attempt to get attention, (although it can be) but it is a command from God.
While at the previous church I attended I started to struggle with the desire to worship the Lord in physical form. As I would sing " No power of Hell, no scheme of man, could ever pluck me from His hand" I became excited! Not because of the style of music (which I plan to address in detail in the very near future) but because my heart was overflowing with the thought that I am completely safe in Christ. My eternal existence is secure. I wanted to raise my hands as an expression of thanksgiving but I did not. This desire has continued. The past two weeks God has been revealing to me that this is a fear of man.
This is what goes through my mind when I feel the desire to respond in a physical manner: 'There are people here that are going to think I'm whacky. These people know me and they know I have never done this before. They will think it is for show. I want to so bad but I just can't.'
I have also grown up afraid outward emotion. "It's a Tuten thing. We don't get emotional." Really? I have to disagree. My emotion wells up when I sing "Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow." PRAISE GOD! Not getting emotional about that is a clear example that there is something wrong. If you can't get excited about that (that's emotion by the way) what will make us burst out in worship? I'm going to heaven because of the shed blood of Jesus Christ. He took my place. Kneel, lift your hands, clap. That's what I want to do. They are bodily motions that are a result of the overflow of praise and gratitude in my my heart.
We have allowed those who have fabricated these reactions as a sign of spirituality and entertainment to steal a natural result of true worship from our time of worship. We can get emotional at a ball game when a receiver catches a 40 yard TD pass but we can't budge in our seat when we sing about our "Wonderful merciful Saviour. Precious redeemer and friend." Shame on us.! What do we think we will be doing when we get to heaven? Standing there with our hands in our pocket? NO WAY! We will be on our face before God. We will have our hands lifted in praise and admiration. Why do we have to wait? Because "I wasn't made that way", or "I don't want people to think I am weird".
How sad that I have let the fear of man steal away from me this part of worship. Do people around me do it for the wrong reason? Who cares if they do. They have to answer for that, not me. I'm responsible to God for my actions. True worship comes from a pure heart. That honors God. Plenty of people think they are worshiping but have sin in their life. God does not accept that worship. But that should not keep me from worshiping in any way that the spirit leads me.
"Well", we say "it may distract someone else" or " it distracts me when other do it". You have two choices then, 1. Go to another church or 2. Stop focusing on other people and judging their actions, and focus on worshiping the same God they are worshiping. If anything it should encourage us to see others responding to the joy that is in their heart.
I should also be quick to add that many times a bowed head or kneeling is just as appropriate a response as raising ones hands.
I'm just getting started and have gone very long. I have some quotes i want to post, verses i want to post and a few more things I will add next time. So until then here is something to consider.
Here is a quote by Bob Kauflin: "Our bodies naturally reflect what affects us. I cringe when a glass of milk is about to be knocked over; I open my arms wide as my daughter runs to greet me; I jump up from the couch with my hands upraised when my team scores the winning goal; I gratefully applaud unselfish acts of service; I cry when a friend’s child dies. Is the church the only place where our bodies can’t express what our minds are comprehending and our hearts are feeling?"
Proverbs 29:25 says "The fear of man bringeth a snare, but whoso putteth his trust in the Lord shall be safe".
I have struggled with the fear of man for a long time, but not in an area where one might expect. My fear of man is most present when I am in church, specifically in worship. Being raised in an environment where emotion in church outside of an AMEN for the pastor was thought of to be fabricated and a sign of being "penecostal" has left it's mark on me. I don't have animosity for being brought up to be reverent because reverence before a HOLY GOD is required. I praise God for my upbringing! I do believe that outward expression to God in worship whether in prayer, singing or other forms is not a sign of trumped up emotions or an attempt to get attention, (although it can be) but it is a command from God.
While at the previous church I attended I started to struggle with the desire to worship the Lord in physical form. As I would sing " No power of Hell, no scheme of man, could ever pluck me from His hand" I became excited! Not because of the style of music (which I plan to address in detail in the very near future) but because my heart was overflowing with the thought that I am completely safe in Christ. My eternal existence is secure. I wanted to raise my hands as an expression of thanksgiving but I did not. This desire has continued. The past two weeks God has been revealing to me that this is a fear of man.
This is what goes through my mind when I feel the desire to respond in a physical manner: 'There are people here that are going to think I'm whacky. These people know me and they know I have never done this before. They will think it is for show. I want to so bad but I just can't.'
I have also grown up afraid outward emotion. "It's a Tuten thing. We don't get emotional." Really? I have to disagree. My emotion wells up when I sing "Jesus paid it all. All to Him I owe. Sin had left a crimson stain, he washed it white as snow." PRAISE GOD! Not getting emotional about that is a clear example that there is something wrong. If you can't get excited about that (that's emotion by the way) what will make us burst out in worship? I'm going to heaven because of the shed blood of Jesus Christ. He took my place. Kneel, lift your hands, clap. That's what I want to do. They are bodily motions that are a result of the overflow of praise and gratitude in my my heart.
We have allowed those who have fabricated these reactions as a sign of spirituality and entertainment to steal a natural result of true worship from our time of worship. We can get emotional at a ball game when a receiver catches a 40 yard TD pass but we can't budge in our seat when we sing about our "Wonderful merciful Saviour. Precious redeemer and friend." Shame on us.! What do we think we will be doing when we get to heaven? Standing there with our hands in our pocket? NO WAY! We will be on our face before God. We will have our hands lifted in praise and admiration. Why do we have to wait? Because "I wasn't made that way", or "I don't want people to think I am weird".
How sad that I have let the fear of man steal away from me this part of worship. Do people around me do it for the wrong reason? Who cares if they do. They have to answer for that, not me. I'm responsible to God for my actions. True worship comes from a pure heart. That honors God. Plenty of people think they are worshiping but have sin in their life. God does not accept that worship. But that should not keep me from worshiping in any way that the spirit leads me.
"Well", we say "it may distract someone else" or " it distracts me when other do it". You have two choices then, 1. Go to another church or 2. Stop focusing on other people and judging their actions, and focus on worshiping the same God they are worshiping. If anything it should encourage us to see others responding to the joy that is in their heart.
I should also be quick to add that many times a bowed head or kneeling is just as appropriate a response as raising ones hands.
I'm just getting started and have gone very long. I have some quotes i want to post, verses i want to post and a few more things I will add next time. So until then here is something to consider.
Here is a quote by Bob Kauflin: "Our bodies naturally reflect what affects us. I cringe when a glass of milk is about to be knocked over; I open my arms wide as my daughter runs to greet me; I jump up from the couch with my hands upraised when my team scores the winning goal; I gratefully applaud unselfish acts of service; I cry when a friend’s child dies. Is the church the only place where our bodies can’t express what our minds are comprehending and our hearts are feeling?"
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
In Love...
As you can see by the picture Connor is hard not to love. I find myself constantly amazed that God would give me charge over a kid as smart and cute as Connor. It occurs to me that God looks at us the same way. Like a sculptor stands back and looks at his creation and admires the results, so God looks at His creation and says "it is Good!".
I can't imagine how God must have been even more proud of His Son who willingly laid down his life as a sacrifice for us to redeem back His formerly perfect creation that went it's own way. He said it out loud actually, "This is my Son in whom I am well pleased".
This weekend at church 6 men from Nashville, TN came to share their heart with our church and lead us to be better influences in our community as we reach out. The main thread that ran through every conversation was this: Be in Love with Jesus Christ and the rest will follow.
"Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you."
I accepted Christ as my Savior as a young boy and though I serve Him and strive to be obedient (both very important) I have not been In Love with Him like I should and want to be. It seems weird to even say it like that. In Love? With Jesus? Yeah, In love. Taken with.
When we are first saved we have an infatuation so to speak. It's love in a form but not a deep love. We love Him for what he has done for us, but just like in any relationship, we have to spend time with that one we love to know more about them. To know them on a deeper level. Too often we want Jesus to fit in our 15-30min daily relationship time we call devotions and we wonder why we don't love Him.
I pray for myself and my family that we would be driven to know our God more and as we do, the infatuation will turn to deep love and devotion to Him and out of that will flow a love for others. THAT is the reason He first loved us!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Boy oh Boy!
As you can see by the pictures, Connor is going to have a little brother. We found out today that we were wrong in thinking we were going to have a girl. Although several "wives tales" pointed to having a girl turns out there is a reason for the "tales" portion of that. We are very excited about our news and Connor can say "I have a brover" but I don't think he really gets it. Cute none the less.
Raina and the baby checked out fine. While she is at 20 weeks the fetal measurements today show Tuten-2 to be at 21 1/2 weeks. Looks like he will be an overachiever like his big brother. Raina doesn't like that outlook as you can imagine since Connor was 9 lbs 5 oz. Maybe they will let us take him a couple days early. We can actually schedule his birthday since Raina will have to have a c-section. We are taking any suggestions on days on or before the 24th of January (with in reason). So if you have a good reason for scheduling a particular date because of the moon or a relatives birthday, etc., we welcome your comments. Click the comment button below.
We are very excited and since we are having another boy, we can take the money we would have spent on clothes (he can wear Connors stuff) and put it in a fund for doctors bills and home repair that no doubt will be needed with two boys in the house.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Waiting Doesn't Always Mean Sitting Still
There are countless verses in the scripture, many of them in Psalms, that speak of waiting on the Lord.Of course waiting requires patience and I know I need more than most, which probably explains why God has me waiting so much.
But as I have been thinking lately, waiting does not mean we are to be sitting and doing nothing like we were at a holy bus stop waiting to be picked up an moved to our next destination. Many times were are to be working while we are waiting.
In James 5:7 it says "see how the Farmer WAITS for the land to reveal it's valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." Of course we know that the farmer isn't sitting on the front porch counting the days. He has to be in the field keeping out the weeds, and maintaining the crop as it grows. I think I have become a little out of focus on what it means to wait.
I have realized that I should be working while I am waiting. Working to better my spiritual gifts, improving on talents that God has given me, bettering my knowledge about my job and above all growing deeper in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Why? So that when the time comes that God reveals to me how he will be using me I am ready when he calls.
Ultimately we wait for the glorious appearing of Jesus to spend our eternity with Him. We don't want to be sitting still when he comes back for sure. (Matthew 24:45-47)
But as I have been thinking lately, waiting does not mean we are to be sitting and doing nothing like we were at a holy bus stop waiting to be picked up an moved to our next destination. Many times were are to be working while we are waiting.
In James 5:7 it says "see how the Farmer WAITS for the land to reveal it's valuable crop and how patient he is for the autumn and spring rains." Of course we know that the farmer isn't sitting on the front porch counting the days. He has to be in the field keeping out the weeds, and maintaining the crop as it grows. I think I have become a little out of focus on what it means to wait.
I have realized that I should be working while I am waiting. Working to better my spiritual gifts, improving on talents that God has given me, bettering my knowledge about my job and above all growing deeper in my relationship with Jesus Christ. Why? So that when the time comes that God reveals to me how he will be using me I am ready when he calls.
Ultimately we wait for the glorious appearing of Jesus to spend our eternity with Him. We don't want to be sitting still when he comes back for sure. (Matthew 24:45-47)
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